January 2011
26 posts
“Meat is virile, powerful; fish is strange and cruel. It comes from another...”
– - Gourmet Rhapsody, by Muriel Barbery
Obtuse ramblings, translated once over, about a food I don’t even like, and I’m still gripped. Now that’s good writing.
Who says I'm not poetic?
me: something wrong there, muppet?
muppet: nope, pourquoi?
me: your text leaps off the screen in little morose blips, rather than the healthy springing bounds of norm
muppet: hahaha.. how lyrically put. am skyping with the missus.
me: oh HELLO RETARDED PUPPY. I will leave you two to it then.
*note - they have a spazoid little pug. I wasn't insulting his lady friend.*
Drinking a hot dark chocolate mocha, listening to Sting, watching the rain fall outside while season four of the Wire boots up. Such a lovely way to spend a Sunday.
And I’m getting paid for this? Insane.
Parataxic distortion - Wikipedia, the free... →
“What’s your name dear? You’re FAR more helpful than the men. The...”
– finally, a client appreciates my lack of a penis.
PIZZA it was pizza.
Me: knn. I ate the whole thing.
Doof: Haha omg what size??
Me: 9 inches, not so bad
Me: You're so inappropriate
CC: Define appropriate. In context. If we were strangers, fine, but since we're sort of long lost strangers... I don't see a problem.
Me: Long lost strangers is the most absurd concept. Still trying to wrap my head around that>
CC: Yeah, well, it's what we are.
Me: No. What we are, is sexy beasts, in top hats and bustiers with sparkles.
CC: .... we totally are.
“If I’m talking to a guy who’s straight, and cute, and single,...”
– Margaret Cho
clear peepee distribution
Me: The horse dies. I think that's really sad and unnecessary.
Doof: ... well.... can you loot the dead horse?
Me: NO!
“Make notes—I’ve lost more material than I’ve ever written. Contrary to popular...”
– Judith Guest via (Home)
txtsfrmlstnght:
(360): I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My friends are rude and uncouth.
friend who just left: so when are you visiting me here?
me: are we taking turns?
friend who just left: yep. but I'll let you finish first, because I'm a gentleman.
Empathy, ADD, and Rudeness.
MX: omg Pichai dies! Why?!?!
Me: I KNOW! How depressing is that? Btw, do your muscles ache after we played Kinect games yesterday?
MX: omg FUCKING PAIN lor. I feel like kinect forcefucked me. Evil Microsoft.
welcome to a typical conversation
doof: I can reach town in 40 minutes
me: you want to go to town?
doof: no I'm just giving you an idea of how long I'll take to get anywhere. Where do you want to go?
me: Idunno, but I need to buy beef.
doof: Where do you wanna go to buy beef?
me: Idunno. Where do you want to eat?
doof: Idunno. Where are we going?
me: Okay why don't you decide where you want to eat and then call me back
doof: wtf. kbye
me: kbye
“Please FU”
– submitted by Jo:
“I first encountered the following phrase from a senior member of staff from my organisation:
Please fu.
Please ‘fu’? Did I do something wrong to get my boss into trouble? Scrolling down the email thread, I found myself trying hard to determine if I had been the cause of the...
sadly, he does not lie.
doof: he even rocked a little Ekta-Attractor
me: wait what?
doof: Is facial hair. You like. Cos it's "real man". I know. Don't think I don't know. I know.
me: FUCK YOUUUU
doof: haha but it's true! Don't deny! It's a must that the person you date must be able to grow facial hair. Need not HAVE it, but must be able to grow it.
me: ... I hate you.
dad: what's mascara-prone?
me: ... what?
dad: here, in this recipe book, they keep mentioning mascara-prone
me: *reading over his shoulder* ... mascarpone dad. It's the cheese in tiramisu.
dad: mmm, I love mascara-prone.
December 2010
6 posts
And so another year begins
dad: hurry up and call your sister so I can take a nap after that
me: just call her! the phone's right next to you
dad: noooo you call her with the... with the... with the thing!
me: ... skype? You want to skype her?
dad: YES! Skypeeeeee-sky-pee-sky-pee-sky-pee..
me: ... wtf did you drink last night?
